National Identity

Coming from Northern Ireland, national identity is the cause of many arguments, fights and killings. The conflict has everything to do with land, territory and how belonging to either 6 counties or 32 counties marks who we are, what we believe and references our personal history along with the very cultural DNA we pass on to future generations.

There are a couple of things about being Irish (national or northern) that mission agencies acknowledge and even the 28 year old Doctor from Hong Kong that sat beside me on the plane is aware of. The frst is we dont assimilate easily. We are always looking over our shoulders to the greatest little country on earth. (I think it would be even better if it had a roof, but i digress.) It is a very sentimental place. But it is more than sentiment. It does have to do with national (not political) history and DNA. There is a little bit of Ireland in my blood. It has in it, song, laughter and response to misery. Many ethnos have been enslaved and marginalized more than the Irish but somehow, we have retained our historic DNA. March 17 may try to reduce this to drunkenness and leprechauns, but one thing all of those born on the Emerald Isle know (apologies to the Irish Americans) is that being Irish is something to shout about and I think is based on the Goodness of God come what may and the FACT that all things will work out for the good.

The second thing is that like many mammals, when we know we are about to die, we like to go home to do it. Even those who have lived abroad for decades find themselves on the pilgrimage to the shores or hills of Ireland just to be one with the soil again.

So, we don't assimilate well and always look forward to retuning home. This last week, I have been painfully aware that I made a decision to assimilate well and not go home. It is, for me, based on a covenant to another nation, the USA. A decision born of a call to be present in this wonderful country. But it isn't in my blood or more accurately, Ireland is still there.

As my mom passed, I will see her again. I find myself sad for the loss of not only her but my history in a land that will probably never know my future. My sons are the last Carrolls in the next generation. In this I stand on the promises of God for more, not less. For the hundred times more and the Kingdom.

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." Matthew 19:29

The closing of one book, the continuation of three others.

It has been pretty tough this last week or two. Maybe month or two.

I just returned 'home' after being 'home' to bury my mom, clear her stuff and be with my older brother and younger sister. Saying good bye a day or so ago was one of the most excruciating things i have ever done.

In a world of cell phones, texts, Facebook and Facetime, saying farewell is still pretty darn difficult.

Turns out, I actually do believe all this stuff about salvation, eternity, not mourning without hope etc. I expectantly look forward to seeing my mom again and I know that if she were to be given the opportunity to come back for a year or two, she would say 'no thanks!' Mourning my mom and the loss of her voice and encouragement is big, but it doesn't destroy me because Jesus made a way for this not to be final.

The thing that hooks me is that I am no longer a main character in anyone living in Irelands life and I am a no one in my home land. In the book of my moms life, I was pretty big. One of the three main characters apart from her. In my brothers and sisters book, I am a bit player. Now we have to find a way to write more story involving the other. I wonder if this is the real reason families fall apart and argue after the matriarch or patriarch dies? They simply cant see how the story goes.

So, for me it felt like I was not simply closing a chapter, I was closing a book. Closing my moms book where we all knew our roles, how to behave and where true north was. Now, that is gone and we must find a way to make it work going forward. My mom wrote a letter to us and she said, stay together and support each other. I guess that is how the next chapter in Jim's, Ann's and my book begins.

This week

This has been one of the most 'interesting' weeks of my life. It started last Saturday when I was getting the family passports together for our trip to Belfast to bury my mom. I discovered that I had not renewed my daughters passport. Several frantic hours later, i flew to Belfast alone leaving my poor wife the task of getting an emergency passport and then travel with three kids.

I arrived in Belfast, spent some time with my brother and sister, spoke at the funeral, met with an attorney (everyone, please make a will!), arranged for some other things and then began clearing my moms house.

My rental car was hit twice, once with a minor bump caused by another car door opening, another a scrape the entire way down the left side of the car.

Rachel and the kids arrived. Yeah!

Then i lost my passport. It is a UK passport and as I am not 'overseas', they take a week to replace it but it has to be sent to my home address which is overseas! After turning the apartment upside down at least 5 times, it just turned up this morning as we were leaving to start our day.

Then this evening, I reversed into a lamp post.

I would remind you that I am not generally incompetent, have never reversed into a lamp post, never lost a drivers licence, passport or any other document and have travelled a lot during my 47 years with no real incident and this week has been just one thing after another.

BUT...

As I drove to my moms grave side on Monday it was wet and windy, a typical Irish day. As i began speaking, the sun came out and yes people went 'wow!' Driving back to the church we were greeted with a huge rainbow.

My brother, sister and I have experienced some of those moments when we just know God is answering and honoring my moms prayers. Moments when we dont really know what to do and suddenly the answer appears right in front of us. 

We have really enjoyed being together as a family in the land of our fathers and have a few days to go. I could do without any more drama but could never do with less of the love and values my mom gave me. 

Susan

I lost my mom a little over a day ago. Gone with her will be the 'home base' I have known for 47 years. A place filled with memories and littered with laughter and tears. I haven't lived there for 26 years but it was always home. Loss just sucks.

Gaining something is better.

In 1988, a few months before i got married, my mom had a massive heart attack. I don't remember a lot of the details but i do remember the Doctor telling her that she would have between 2-5 years left IF she stopped smoking. She got prayed for and the desire to smoke, even the physical desire completely left. To my knowledge, she never smoked again.

By 1991, we had a number of scares. One even had me pumping her chest waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Each time she survived but she just got worse. She needed a triple by pass but her heart was too damaged to do it.

One evening, I took her to a church event where a guy called John Wimber and another guy called Paul Cain were ministering. It was at a place called Maysfield Leisure Center and it took my mom 15 minutes and several breaks to catch her breath to walk from the car to her seat. A journey of a couple of hundred yards.

During the meeting, John Wimber said he had a word of knowledge and described a picture of a woman sleeping upright on a bed surrounded by pillows and being supported by a V shaped pillow. My mom stood. Wimber went on to describe every ailment my mom had and just prayed for her as she stood and commanded all sickness to leave. The presence of God was so strong, all of us sitting around her shook.

That night she walked out of the place and slept on her back for the first time in 3 years. The next day she walked over a mile to her doctor to tell him what happened and he wept, recognizing that God had done.

I told you I lost lost my mom yesterday. What I want to tell you was that i gained 21 years of her life through an act of God that allowed her to see all her grand children and love them as much as she did me.

Now she gets to be in the presence of the One she met in 1988. The One who gave her to us for a lot longer than we had hoped for and the One who is always good, all the time.

Now I can get a tattoo that says 'Mom'. She would never let me:-)

Meeting

Today, Friday, October 5 at 12:15pm, I have an appointment with the alderman of the 25th ward, Danny Solis. So far, it has not been cancelled or rescheduled.

Alderman Solis seems to be a great man with a great vision and heart for his ward. He is also the chair of the city's zoning committee. If he says no, then it is no.

In this journey, a no is definite. The final yes is part of a zoning process that will take months. We are asking for permission to use the building while we apply for a zoning variance. This would give the alderman and the neigborhood time to discover who we are, what kind of impact we make and if we are, as we firmly believe, a good group to have in the area. If we don't get the variance, we look for somewhere else.

It has taken us a long time to get here, and I am so grateful for the alderman to take time to meet with me and hear my request.